Ranger’s Confession

Dear Readers. Tis I. Ranger.

I am here to offer you a confession and to beg the forgiveness of the canine members of our community.

I have failed – utterly and completely – in my dogly duties and it has left me depressed, despondent, disheveled…

All right, perhaps not disheveled. It is true that I still cut a striking figure, even amidst my angst. It cannot be helped.

I know you must be asking yourself, “Ranger – what could have brought you to this lowly state?”

See for yourselves. Please cast your eyes upon these two pictures and tell me if you notice the difference?

Yes. Of course. Very astute of you. The large aspen tree which has adorned the front of our estate for lo these many years was STOLEN! Spirited away by a gang of marauding tree thieves.

When they appeared at our house, I immediately sounded the alarm. I barked ferociously at them, warning them that they were to leave the premises at once or risk the Wrath of the Rat Terrier!

But alas, they paid me no heed. In fact, one sneered at me, a look of utter disdain upon his sinister face. With mother and dad gone – and Mayzie and Abby no help at all – I watched in horror as piece by piece they loaded up that magnificent tree and took it away. I was helpless to stop it and could only curse my lack of opposable thumbs with which I might call 911.

When mother and dad arrived home that evening, I could scarce look them in the eye.

I simply cannot look you in the eye, dad.

Mother tried to console me with some wild, obviously fabricated story about how they had hired those men to cut down the tree because it was dying. Mother is a lovely person but a poor liar and I could see right through her desperate attempt to lessen the blow and soothe my tortured soul. (And I shan’t even go into Mayzie’s earnest but misguided assertions that Ninjas took the tree.)

I considered keeping this from you all but I knew that my guilt would only grow. How could I continue as a member of good standing in this community were I to keep this terrible secret hidden? And so I decided to lay bare my shame of failing to uphold Article Number 1 of the Canine Code of Conduct: Protect the Home.

Therefore, I now come to you humbled with only one question upon my mind: Can you ever find it in your hearts to forgive me? My fate rests in your paws.



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35 responses to “Ranger’s Confession

  1. Ranger, you are not to be condemned for failure but praised for your doggedly resolute determination to protect you family’s property. I can cat-egorically confirm your mother’s story about hiring some strange men to cut down the tree ’cause the same happened to a HUGE Cottonwood tree at house house….For safety’s sake Mom and Dad said. (although the tree never attacked us or anything, it didn’t give us shade anymore to lay under in the summertime ) So, I say to you Brudder Ranger, hold your head high and stand proud like the true and fine dog the you are! Hugs, Ruby

  2. Nuffin to forgives yoo fur Ranger yoo did da very best yoo could butts wee does suspekt da yor Momster hads somefin to do wiv it. Our Momster goes mad choppin fings down in fall n winter ( not dat wee got much to chop reely ) so don’ts yoo go feelin bads Ranger okays


  3. We live on the 3rd floor of a condo, so we don’t have any jurisdiction over the trees. Thank goodness for that. It sounds like quite a weighty responsibility. If your mom says that you aren’t to blame…. believe her. Just remember the times you got in trouble for a minor incident. She would tell you if you were responsible for this….. Try to have a good day, pal.

    pawhugs, Max

  4. Of course we forgive you….they must have been hardened tree thieves to ignore your protest.

    XXXOOO Daisy, Kendra, Bella &Roxy

  5. Of course we forgive you, Brudder Ranger! Where will you pee from now on?

    Love ya lots
    Maggie and Mitch

  6. Oh my word Ranger please don’t worry and don’t blame yourself. Mom hired tree vandals. It was a set up
    Benny & Lily

  7. Oh Ranger, of course we forgive. You did your very best to keep those darn tree thieves away. Too bad you couldn’t get out there and bite their ankles until bloody. Good job Ranger. Take care.

  8. I’m not going to lie to you. That is a very sorry state of affairs and, yes, it was your responsibility to protect the estate and this time, little friend, you failed. I suggest you encourage your humans in their fantasy that the tree removal was for the greater good. You might want to also try some drills with that lazy Mayzie to teach her how to provide better backup when danger threatens your abode. That said, I know you did your best and this one misstep should in no way compromise your standing as chief guardian of the estate.


  9. Brudder Ranger…I too say nothing to forgive. Your spirit is pure. If you could have gotten to those nasty tree thieves, you would have torn them limb to limb…that’s what counts.

  10. Patti Grider

    Oh, great nephew, do not worry! IF Mom was not responsible for this tree theft, look at it this way: If it hadn’t been for you scaring them so badly, they may have stolen more than the dead Aspen! You scared them and all they got was a dead tree! You are our hero! Love you, Aunt Patti

  11. I believe your momma is telling the truth Brudder Ranger. And it is due to no fault of yours at all. Unless the other tree goes missing… then maybe your momma is lying. hehehehe

  12. Poor Ranger, you did the very best you could do!!! Don’t feel bad~~~~ you told them to leave and you told them not to hurt your tree but they were in the wrong! They didn’t listen!!! You did your best Ranger that is all you can do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    xx, Zoie & Fern

  13. Oh, Ranger, you have nothing to apologize for in my eyes! You were amazingly brave and did all you could to protect the home. If it were me, I’m embarrassed to admit, I would have been hiding in my room!!! And, though the tree was stolen by men (or ninjas) the home was kept safe thanks to you!! I’m sure Mayzie and Abby appreciate your bravery!

    Back from Thanksgiving hiatus when mom forgot the wifi-card-thing-a-maj-ig and I was cut off from Blogville… AGAIN!

  14. Poor Ranger – buddy – you did your best by sounding the alarm – your mom and dad should be proud!!

  15. Aww, Ranger, you did everything you could! I’m sure the tree thieves were terrified the whole time.

  16. Oh my. From one terrier to another, I must say, well, I’m surprised. BUT, see, actually, it’s your peeps’ fault. If they had been home, your alarm would have worked. See? All better now. Blame it on the peeps! You probably have no voice left from all that alarming! Yeah! That’s it!

    Arooooo! Stuart

  17. Tank

    Ranger, what a sincere and well written confession this is. You may be depressed and despondent, but thank dog you’re still hawt… that’s really the important thing. It’s sad to think of the years of pee mail that must have been taken away with that tree though. I hope you had back-up copies of anything that was important to you. On the upside, perhaps a new tree will show up one day for you to christen.

  18. It’s okay, Ranger. You did your best and that’s the important thing. You should report the incident to Sarge, so he can put out an A.P.B. for the culprits!


  19. Oh Ranger…you tried your best – don’t feel sad or guilty! You are an awesome guard dog!

  20. You tried Ranger! Nothing to forgive my friend
    Sympathetic Kisses and Tail Wags,
    Dachshund Nola

  21. Pip

    Oh Brudder Ranger, don’t trouble yourself. All that doggie code stuff isn’t important …heck, I have failed almost every one of those tests multiple times. We are all individuals so don’t let it get you down. We know you would protected that tree if you could have or if Mayzie had been awake to help you.

    By the way, would you happen to be sitting on a couch in those pictures? If so, be sure to check out my post today.

    Your pal, Pip

  22. Dearest Ranger….
    I heard cackling from our upper chamber so I came running to see whatever was the matter and Mom said all is well that crazy K9 Ranger is just too funny! We do so apologize for laughing at your must sincere story. You are just one K9 locked behind closed doors with not way out..you did you duty by barking them a piece of your mind to let them know they did not have your permission. Well done sweet, funny Ranger.
    Hugs from your bfff,

  23. No need to be so sad, Ranger. You tried and tried to do your part – how can more be expected!!!

    We still love you, pal.

    Woos ~ Phantom, Thunder, Ciara, and Lightning

  24. littlemissjackie

    Gosh Mr. Brudder Ranger, don’t feel bad, you did a great job! I think your mom is telling the truths. A whole bunch of our trees disappeared too, but I saw my daddy waving the loud thing at them so I knew he took them. He said they were dying, like your mom said about your tree, and my daddy said if a tree dies it will fall on the house and squish it! Maybe your mom and dad will put another tree in your yard for you to enjoy!



  25. Ranger,

    Dude, you did your best and that is all that matters my furiend AND you have alerted the rest of us to be on the look out for marauding tree thieves so I thank you!

    Your Buddy,

  26. hey little buddy, you did your best and if they would have been home, they could have saved you all that worry about nothing…when ever I see mum talking or shaking hands with someone, I know they are OK peeps.
    on the other paw…Finally, a “find it game” I can win.. I found the missing tree in the picture….yeah boy…that one was easy…

  27. Teddy Bear & Sierra

    You did your best, Bruder Ranger. We hope you can find a new tree to leave lots and lots of peemail on.:)

    Teddy Bear & Sierra

  28. Brother Ranger, I think you did all that a dog could do under the circumstances. If Morgan saw that, she’d have jumped right through the window, which would have been very displeasing to Mom and Dad! Trust me, short of property damage to your home, nothing more could be done. I am still a fan of yours!


  29. Dude… Here’s the truth… There are a lot of trees in the world, don’t worry about that one. The important thing is that they didn’t touch your cookies (and that isn’t a euphemism for anything, we really mean cookies!)

    Sam and Pippen

  30. Oh Ranger, we know you did your best to save the poor tree. Some things are just out of a rat terrier’s power. You are still the brave and bold doggie we have always admired, don’t you worry. You are still a hero.

    Besides, just maybe, maybe, the tree has gone to a better place.

  31. Its ok! You tried your best

    Stop on by for a visit

  32. Oh Ranger, don’t feel bad! You did your best and I’m quite sure it was supposed to be taken down (or the Ninjas took it – to be honest, I’m quite taken with the Ninja story). Don’t let it get you down, hang in there buddy!

  33. KittyplusCoco

    GAHHHHH! I mean good grief, now you are down a pee-mail spot. That is a crime. Ranger, you are off the hook due to being forced behind locked doors. Valiant protest dear friend.


  34. Sarge

    Hey Ranger!
    Wow, what a scary event! I’ve done a little COP investigation and discovered that, alas, tis true. Squirrels aren’t even to blame for this one. The tree was removed on purpose. Now, either way, you are totally exonerated because you, my couragous furiend, did your duty. Peeps know we lack the thumbs but possess the bark! You did great. Sounding the alarm is our primary job. No worries buddy. (Those ninjas would have been totally pawesome to see though!)
    Grr and Woof,
    Sarge, COP

  35. OMD, they stole your tree? I am sure you did the very best you could to try to keep them from doing that.

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