Ranger’s Rants: Dog Decorum

Greetings, gentle readers. First, I must apologize for being absent so long. When it comes to blog postings, I prefer to only post when it is something I feel warrants your attention. However, I do appreciate those who have asked after me and wondered when I would write again.

Today’s subject is one that often gets overlooked and it is one which is near and dear to my heart: dog decorum.

As evidenced throughout history, dogs have always had a solemn duty to provide loyal companionship and to guard both flocks and humans. My own breed was developed to rid farms of vermin, thereby helping to protect harvests and keep humans safe from disease. This is a pact that, while unspoken, generations of dogs have willingly agreed to. As canis familiaris, we must take our jobs seriously.

However, in this day and age, too many among us have forgotten this weighty responsibility. Rather than do what our foredogfathers intended for us to do, we now have idle time on our paws. And so the youngsters of today conduct themselves in a manner that I believe is most unbecoming and an embarrassment to those fine, upstanding dogs that came before us.

Now, as you may remember from one of my sister’s earlier posts – It’s Time to Play the Name Game – I was named for those most legendary lawmen, the Texas Rangers. It is a name that I carry with pride and I am honored to further their tradition of maintaining law and order in this wild and untempered age.

Case in point: Last week, my father, sister and I were taking our daily constitutional when a woman and her black labrador retriever entered the park. Now, I assure you I do not have a bigoted bone in my body. But when it comes to over-the-top devil-may-care attitude, black labradors (or as they are more commonly known on the street – labra-“dudes”) are among the worst offenders. And this youngster was no exception. He was jumping about, begging his human to ‘throw the ball, throw the ball’ and in general, acting as if he had not a care in the world.

It was disgusting. And I decided I wanted to have a little talk with him about his responsibilities as a dog.

Unfortunately, my father decided at this very moment that he wanted to do some cross-country hiking and took us off the trail.

Me: Dad, what are you doing? Do you not see what is happening over there?

Dad: Oh, look, guys! We should go check out these, um, flowers over here.

Me: Flowers? What are you talking about? Have you taken leave of your senses?

Dad: Tra la la! I just love flowers. They’re so…flowery!

Me: (slipping deftly out of my collar) Fine. You go look at the flowers. I have a duty I must fulfill.

Blissfully free from my encumbrances, I ran to catch up to the offending dog. The “labra-dude,” seeing me headed in his direction, immediately grinned goofily and shouted out, “Hey there, little dude? Whassup, man?”

Me: “Whassup?” You wanna know “whassup?” I’ll tell you “whassup”! You’re an embarrassment to the good name of “dog.”

Labra-dude: What are you talking about, little dude? I just wanna play!

Me: Exactly! And while you play, your human could be in dire straits. She could be attacked by coyotes or wander off of a cliff or something!

Labra-dude: Uh, look, little dude – I have NO idea what you’re talkin’ about, man, but I got no problem with you.

Me: Yes, well, I have a problem with YOU and I…

Suddenly, from up above, a woman’s voice boomed out, “EH-EH.” It was the labra-dude’s human and, if you can believe this, she was wagging a chubby little finger at me!

Me: Pardon me, madam?

Labra-dude’s human: None of that!

Me: But…I was just…I was trying to…

Labra-dude’s human: You be a good dog!

Well, as you can imagine, I was stunned by this turn of events. It was quite obvious that I WAS a good dog and her dog, on the contrary, was NOT. Then suddenly it hit me. This human was enabling her dog and if that was the case, well, there was nothing more I could do. It was out of my paws. So I simply gave the labra-dude a quick, polite sniff, nodded curtly to chubby-fingered-woman, and made my way back to my father who – and this is the most humiliating part – actually offered an APOLOGY to the labra-dude’s human.

Me: Did you just apologize to her?

Dad: I did. I don’t know why you always have to appoint yourself the dog cop.

Me: You’re the one who named me Ranger, you know.

So, my friends, I am feeling rather hopeless about whether this sad state of affairs in the dog community will ever right itself. But I am true to the cause and I shall soldier on. I do hope you will join me in teaching the next generation about our illustrious past and perhaps one day, our dog brothers and sisters will all conduct themselves with the dignity and pride bestowed upon us by those who came before us.

Once again, thank you for your kind attention. As always, I wish you a good day and good biscuits.



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32 responses to “Ranger’s Rants: Dog Decorum

  1. Greetings Brudder Ranger…thank you for your fine explanation of our responsibilities as dogs. We have made it required reading for our muzzer and dad, in hopes that they will now understand why we are always commenting loudly on the manners of other dogs we see. We are not named “Ranger” but feel that terriers must have a clearer understanding of this necessary behaviour than other dogs.

    Again, our thanks and best regards
    Gus Dagger, Wft and Teka Toy Dagger

  2. Woof! Woof! Golden Thanks for the info. Always happy to learn something new. Hapy day. Lots of Golden Woofs, Sugar

  3. RANGER…….M O L!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Oh my cats and dogs. You are indeed a long suffering Ranger just trying to do your duty. You were just living up to your namesake.
    So where was your sister during this unfortunate encounter?

    Mayzie and Mom we are so sorry to be LOL at this but it is so funny. Ranger not only has a terrier-tude he has a small dog-tude.

    Hugs Madi and Mom

  4. Maybe you could come have a talk with Fenris. The fall weather has him feeling frisky. ~The Cats

  5. Ranger, your esteemed opinion is repectfully noted. When we see you out and around Stumpy will do her very best to appear to be behavin’

  6. Hey, Ranger! I hear ya, buddy! Don’t forget I LIVE with a labradork (sorry, he doesn’t qualify as a “-dude”), who fritters away the day. While he’s blissfully napping, that leaves me to protect mom & our home from all the evils of the world! That’s a lot of barking to do, you know?? Anyhoo, I totally sympathize with your plight.

    Oh, and tell your cheese-loving sister that we put a little something special in our post for her today, hehehehe 🙂

    Brutus & Carmen

  7. Pip

    Ranger, thank you for trying to right this wrong. I feel your pain for I too am often shocked by the behavior of some of our fellow canine brothers and sisters and their enabling parents!

    Please keep up the good work! With you on the case, I know we will be OK.

    Your pal, Pip

  8. Heartbeats

    Dat lady better be careful wif her chubby finger! Somedoggie might mistake it for a sausage one day… I’m just sayin’.

    licks and love,

  9. frankie furter

    Brudder Ranger we all know exactly what you were trying to do for that poor misguided LabraDoink. I am sure you feel that you failed, butt you must know that you can’t save them all. Sigh It is sad butt true. You did your very much bestest.
    Now about your dad… pawhaps he needs some refresher training. I’m just sayin’.

  10. Oh dis not good! You was only trying to enhance da future of doggies. Howevers, I am rather goofy myself and likes to play…BUT, I haves never furgotten my instincts and can do what mty breed was intended to do as well…if not betters.
    Ummmm…I say we blames da hoomans on all dis.


  11. What a good dog you are Brudder Ranger. Those dogs do need to be taught some lessons. Just like the cats around here, some are in charge and some are not. So Ranger, you should be in charge of manners. Kind of hard for a little dog to do but nice try. Good boy.
    Have a great week you guys and gals

  12. Oh goodness. I can only imagine how incensed you might be if you ever happened upon my Mickey and Lyla! Ask your mama — decorum is out the window when it comes to those two. If only they could follow your lead, Ranger.

  13. It’s not easy being the thin blue line. Or, umm, whatever color it is that the Texas Rangers’ uniforms are.

  14. Oh Ranger, I think you and I would get along well. There are many dogs in our neighborhood that I wish you would be able to give a talking to.

  15. A Rangers job of keepin’ da peace is never an easy one…

    Woofs and Licks,
    Maggie Mae

  16. DisgusTED on the Incline

    In case you haven’t I would like Ranger to discuss the humans that allow their pups to poop on the trails on the trails and not bother to push the debris off to the side (out of the path). This is big problem on the Incline access path from the Barr Trail parking lot. It seems like a lot of doggies like to rid themselves of excess ballast before embarking on the arduous climb (..can’t blame ’em).

    Just one of my pet peeves. That, and the owners who seem oblivious to a dog’s hydration needs on such tough hikes.

  17. Ranger! I am right there with ya buddy! I have to live with a labra-dork she is chocoalte which is almost like black so I feel ya buddy!


  18. Well, Brudder Ranger, this was most responsible of you. Even though I’m shy around two-leggers, I LOVE playing with doggies so I probably would have embarrassed you. BUT my sister Phoenix is often similiarly frustrated by those exuberant labra-dudes. I make sure she reads your post. She’ll really appreciate it. Thanks for keeping us in line, Ranger!


  19. I try, Ranger, I try. I concentrate my efforts on Franklin. We’re still working on it. As for your Dad, it’s a case of being too well trained. Humans are trained to respond to chubby finger wagging with apologies. I can imagine it must have been rather galling for you to hear him apologize for YOU, but it’s probably not his fault. You have your work cut out for you on that front, too if you’re going to reprogram him, so to woof.

    lotsa licks, Lola

  20. Oh Ranger! I feel your pain! We Greyhounds were bred to be the companions of royalty and nobility, and now I’m forced to live with a hairy dog who has no clue about decorum! As I type, she’s barking at the neighbor kids who are loitering outside on the sidewalk in front of the house. I try to pretend that we’re not with her when we take our evening walks, but she keeps coming back to make sure I’m still there. *sigh*


  21. littlemissjackie

    Brudder Ranger, it was good of you to give the Labra-dude something to think about! When I tell doggies and people walking on the street by my house that they shouldn’t be doing that, Mom makes me stop and says I shouldn’t worry about it because they probably won’t listen to what I have to bark and they aren’t REALLY hurting anything. But how can we just let them go on being wrong? You did a great job telling the Labra-dude what was what, and his mom was very rude to interrupt you!

    Barks & Wiggles,


  22. Wow….good one. Always keeping me thinking. 🙂

  23. I bet The RH one will be on Ranger’s side!


  24. Hi, Ranger!
    I know you carry your name with pride!
    That labra-dude, eh?
    Kisses and hugs

  25. Did that Labradude know.. you don’t mess with the right hand of the law. Btw I refer to them as the goon squad labradorks. A whole bunch of them run around in day camp… I’m not fond of their antics either. Maybe I’ll tell them I know you.

  26. mr. ranger,
    i am all for doggie decorum and stuff, but why does everybuddy always pick on the labradudes?!?!

    the booker man

  27. Hello Mayzie,
    I am Mr. Booker man’s sister’s beau! Me and Asa are going to paris this weekend in my brother’s hot air balloon and booker is coming as chaperoen (I don’t think I spelled that right) and so he asked me if we could make it a double date so he could bring you too! I said yes, of course, and was wondering if you would like that?


    Pee.s. I am your newest follower!

  28. Dexter here! I could not let that thrashing of my black labraness go unanswered. Sure we are fun loving guys who are super smart, but we are serious dogs, you know. We just don’t waste our energy on senseless yapping at non-threatening things, but when it comes right down to it, we can be fierce. Like the other day. I was at the vet when some old lady with a (gasp) CANE started walking towards my momma and I did a big dog AR AR AR stay away! And you can bet she did. Damn lady with a cane. So there.


  29. Oh, yeah, Ranger buddy – some of us in this household feel your burden. Others of us are just dorks that want to play all the time. We’re not gonna name names – just sayin’.
    The Road Dogs

  30. Oh you are so smart, sadly not all dogs are


  31. Maybe he was just a very young “whipper snapper!” The Corgi Pups are sometimes like that and we, the older generation are working on their proper upbringing. The humans who take pups away from their own “older generation” have the responsibility to train those pups, but it’s so sad when sometimes they don’t!

    We think that you did good, since you at least TRIED to help! OC, BG & Dott

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