OHmidogness! You would just NOT believes the day I had yesterday!
It started out pretty much practically perfect. We had our breakfasts and our morning “repose,” as Brudder Ranger likes to call it. And then we gots dad all leashed up and we went on our walkie.
Now the place we walk is a real big open space with a nice trail and lotsa bushes to looks for rabbits under. And there’s this one part where we let dad off leash as long as nobuddy else is around and we run and run.
Well, as I was running, I came upon this pile of the Most Fragrantest stuff I have ever ever smelled. I mean, they should bottle it up and sell it in those fancy human bow-teeks cuz it was absolutely divine! It looked a lot like this:
And of course, when you come across something this oh-so-exquisite, why…you just can’t walk on by. It’s a hard-and-fast rule that you are obliged to have a good roll in it.
And so roll I did! OH! It was Most Glorious! Well, it didn’t last too awful long cuz a coupla minutes later, dad gaves me a whistle and being the very good girl I am, I sadly left the heavenly pile behind but I couldn’t WAIT to share my terrific find with dad.
Me: DAD! Guess what?
Dad: Mayzie! Did you roll in something?
Me: I did! Aren’t you proud of me?
Dad: Gah! What did you roll in?
Me: I dunno! But it smells GREAT!
Dad: Gah! It’s horse (BLEEP)! It stinks!
Me: I know! That’s what I mean! Isn’t it MARVELOUS?
Well, apparently me and dad have some differences about the definition of the word “marvelous” cuz the first thing he did to me when he got me home was to put water on some towels and start rubbing me with them!
Me: Daaaaaaad! What are you DOOOING?
Dad: Hold still!
Me: Noooooo! You’re rubbing it all off! STOP! For the love of dog, STOP!
But he kept rubbing and pretty soon much of my beautiful aroma was gone. I was ever so much dejected and not very much happy with my dad.
I just couldn’t wait for mom to gets home so I could tell her all about what dad did to me. I even rolled over to show her the part that dad had very much luckily missed and informed her that I had had THAT all over before dad got all crazy and stuff.
And you know what she said? She said, “Ugh! You STILL stink!” Now this cheered me up quite a bit but then – THEN she uttered that unholiest of words – B.A.T.H.
Yes, that’s right, furends. I, Mayzie Lou Who of Collie-rado USA, was subjected to the abject humiliations of a B.A.T.H. for the first time since maybe ever. (Shudder!) Now, in the whole time I have lived with mom and dad, they have never given me a bath cuz of how skeered I was of stuff and I had them very much conned…I mean, convinced…that a bath would send me right to the Canine Funny Farm.
But can you believe they decided to go ahead and chance my fragile mental state? Oh, I can not even begin to describe to you the horrors of my ordeal. No, instead, I shall just lets the disturbing evidence do the talking:
Well, after it was all over, Brudder Ranger felt kinda sorry for me so he let me in on a little secret: the very best part of taking a bath is the after-bath ZOOMIES!
Note from Mayzie’s mom: I’m a little embarrassed by how dirty the water was when we were finished. But when you adopt a fearful dog, your priority is to build trust and make sure they feel safe in their home. There are certain trade-offs you make and baths were one of the trade-offs we made for Mayzie – just wiping her down with a waterless shampoo whenever she got smelly or a little bit dirty. Of course, horse poop isn’t exactly “a little bit dirty,” so we just had to take the plunge (pun intended). She shivered and shook but when it was all over, she was back to her playful, happy self in no time. And that in and of itself, shows us how far she’s come.
Oh, and in case you’re wondering – yes, I took a shower afterwards and yes, we also washed the bedspread.