Eww de Mayzie

OHmidogness! You would just NOT believes the day I had yesterday!

It started out pretty much practically perfect. We had our breakfasts and our morning “repose,” as Brudder Ranger likes to call it. And then we gots dad all leashed up and we went on our walkie.

Now the place we walk is a real big open space with a nice trail and lotsa bushes to looks for rabbits under. And there’s this one part where we let dad off leash as long as nobuddy else is around and we run and run.

Well, as I was running, I came upon this pile of the Most Fragrantest stuff I have ever ever smelled. I mean, they should bottle it up and sell it in those fancy human bow-teeks cuz it was absolutely divine! It looked a lot like this:

And of course, when you come across something this oh-so-exquisite, why…you just can’t walk on by. It’s a hard-and-fast rule that you are obliged to have a good roll in it.

And so roll I did! OH! It was Most Glorious! Well, it didn’t last too awful long cuz a coupla minutes later, dad gaves me a whistle and being the very good girl I am, I sadly left the heavenly pile behind but I couldn’t WAIT to share my terrific find with dad.

Me: DAD! Guess what?

Dad: Mayzie! Did you roll in something?

Me: I did! Aren’t you proud of me?

Dad: Gah! What did you roll in?

Me: I dunno! But it smells GREAT!

Dad: Gah! It’s horse (BLEEP)! It stinks!

Me: I know! That’s what I mean! Isn’t it MARVELOUS?

Well, apparently me and dad have some differences about the definition of the word “marvelous” cuz the first thing he did to me when he got me home was to put water on some towels and start rubbing me with them!

Me: Daaaaaaad! What are you DOOOING?

Dad: Hold still!

Me: Noooooo! You’re rubbing it all off! STOP! For the love of dog, STOP!

But he kept rubbing and pretty soon much of my beautiful aroma was gone. I was ever so much dejected and not very much happy with my dad.


I just couldn’t wait for mom to gets home so I could tell her all about what dad did to me. I even rolled over to show her the part that dad had very much luckily missed and informed her that I had had THAT all over before dad got all crazy and stuff.

See that nice brown spot in the middle of my white furs? It smelled delightful!

And you know what she said? She said, “Ugh! You STILL stink!” Now this cheered me up quite a bit but then – THEN she uttered that unholiest of words – B.A.T.H.

Yes, that’s right, furends. I, Mayzie Lou Who of Collie-rado USA, was subjected to the abject humiliations of a B.A.T.H. for the first time since maybe ever. (Shudder!) Now, in the whole time I have lived with mom and dad, they have never given me a bath cuz of how skeered I was of stuff and I had them very much conned…I mean, convinced…that a bath would send me right to the Canine Funny Farm.

But can you believe they decided to go ahead and chance my fragile mental state? Oh, I can not even begin to describe to you the horrors of my ordeal. No, instead, I shall just lets the disturbing evidence do the talking:

Ahhhh! I'm gonna drown!

Mom was all...you're okay! And I was all...what do YOU know?

ACK! What are you putting on my head? That's where the best concentration of Eau de Horsepoop is!

Woman! Look at the color of this water! All my most beautiful brindle furs are washing away!!!

I am so totally putting an ad out for a new family tomorrow.


Okay. I guess that wasn't so bad. I forgives you, mom.

Well, after it was all over, Brudder Ranger felt kinda sorry for me so he let me in on a little secret: the very best part of taking a bath is the after-bath ZOOMIES!


I can fly!

If it's possible, I think my brindle furs are even MORE beautiful now!

Note from Mayzie’s mom: I’m a little embarrassed by how dirty the water was when we were finished. But when you adopt a fearful dog, your priority is to build trust and make sure they feel safe in their home. There are certain trade-offs you make and baths were one of the trade-offs we made for Mayzie – just wiping her down with a waterless shampoo whenever she got smelly or a little bit dirty. Of course, horse poop isn’t exactly “a little bit dirty,” so we just had to take the plunge (pun intended). She shivered and shook but when it was all over, she was back to her playful, happy self in no time. And that in and of itself, shows us how far she’s come.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering – yes, I took a shower afterwards and yes, we also washed the bedspread.


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36 responses to “Eww de Mayzie

  1. Oh, Mayzie, you were so brave and now you’ve conquered the dreaded BATH. There’s nothing left to fear anymore. You’ve been at the abyss and came out smelling like a rose – which isn’t as good as smelling like horse poop by a long shot, but it’s just an expression meaning you did great.

    It is a bit discouraging how little appreciation humans have for a fine fragrance. There doesn’t seem to be anything you can do to change their tastes in the matter. Generations of dogs have tried and failed. As annoying as that area of difference is, it seems to be a price we have to pay for all the good things they do for us. Everything in life is a trade-off.

    wags, Lola

  2. Frankie Furter

    Well, you just posted about this Baff thingy the other day. You were very much concerned that your mom and dad were working up to putting you through this hideous torture. Soooooo sorry that they followed through.

    I, like you, am mystified by the two legger resistance to accept the fabulous fragrances that we can find in our world.
    I think horse poop smells soooooo much better than that Red Door stuff mom uses on her furs and stuff.
    Butt then when you think about it… you have to realize that THEY really don’t like their fragrance either… Have you ever realized that THEY take those Baff thingys EVERY day??? They are ALLL Cracker Dawg crazy.
    Soooooo sorry that you had the experience, butt at least you discovered the super secret…. after a baff it is like we have been greased or tefloned… beclaws we can run like the wind!!! Sort of makes up for the torture. I always just concentrate on the zoomies to come.

  3. Mayzie,

    My mom is still laughing! Our peoples just don’t get it do they? Eau de horsepoop is an amazing fragrance and I agree it should be bottled up and sold! Great job surviving the dreaded B.A.T.H. too!

    Woofs and Licks,
    Maggie Mae

  4. Well Mayzie and Mom (Madi here) Mom is rolling on the floor LOL and wiping comical tears from her eyes.
    Mom here half way composed: Oh that is the funniest thing I’ve read/seen in a long time. I was doing pretty good until I saw Mom in the tub with you!!! Mayzie you are one lucky girl to have a mommy who is willing to stick by your side through thick and smelly times. Geez Louise!!! What is it with you K9’s and rolling in bad smells? Mayzie I say to you…you do the crime, you serve the time!!!! Toto (RIP) our mini doxie was the world’s worst for rolling in smells…thank goodness he was smaller and easier to handle in the tub…the sides were too high for him to jump out. BOL
    Thank you for the Thursday lol
    Madi and Mom

  5. Miss Mayzie: the photos of you in your bath are lovely. You look like Venus rising from the waves. And I agree your Brindle furs are most bootiful, and glad they did not all wash down the drain.

    Not being a big fan of bathing myself, I sympathize with you. I much prefer taking a shower with my dad! It is more like being in the rain and he is more fun than muzzer is!


  6. Mayzie,

    If you don’t mind us saying so… horse poops is minor league stinky. Come out to the coast, that’s where the good stuff really is! Dead stuff from the ocean washes up a lot and once even there was a dead seal that nobuddy knew about until I found it! Now if you wants a real good aroma, that’s it. All my doggy friends at the park thought I was the bestest (especially the girls!) Mom, on the other hand, wasn’t so pleased! I wanted to sit next to her in the car and she banished me to the back! And if that wasn’t humiliating enough, she had to drive with her head out the car window! So when you have a few days free, come on out, we’ll show you the good stuffs! And then when you roll in the horse poop next time, your mom and dad will say horsepoop, smorsepoop, it could be worse!

    Sam and Pippen

  7. Mayzie….Madi does truly love boxes so much so that I keep spares so she is never without. She loves to exercise her paws on the rough edges too. Funny thing though she will not get in the very cute and colorful cat tube we got for her b-day…fickled kitty.

  8. Mayzie, we knew all along you were our kind of gal!!
    When we accompanied mom on mission re-home Lola, we made a most fortunate pit stop at Grandma’s backyard. It doesn’t see a lot of action, so choice face and neck rubbing smells are to be found deep in the grass. Betty made us proud by finding some 485 year old rottenness to roll the entire side of her face in. Oh it smelled to the heavens!!! Despite mom and Grandma’s rubbing of the wet towel, that smell was holding on tight. We mean TIGHT!
    We heard Betty snickering the entire 4 hour car ride home. We’re quite surprised mom could see the road through her watery eyes….

    We should organize a stinky, gunky rub a dub your face in some crud party!

    Stella, Gunther and Betty

  9. Oh Miss Mayzie, you are truely without a doubt AMAZIN…course, I already knew bout this thanks to your text message. But, I do thinks my mum just threw ups a little bit afters her saw that poop pikture…that should really be blown up to an 8×10 if you asks me.
    That is one of da grandest piles I haves evers seen in my whole entires life. Girl, you sure knows where to find da bestest stuffs.
    Oh and don’t worry bout that whole baff thingy…I freaks out too and I’m not even a rescue doggie.
    OOOOOh, you should my mum running to da baffroom to puke…hehehe! Her is just so cluless….hey, wanna see da pikture again…Mum!!!!

  10. We, being the exquisite poodles that we are, just LOVE (endure) our spa treatments but when we get home the first thing we do is head for the yard for our zoomies too. Glad you are all beautified and maybe can enjoy (endure) another bath some day!! PS about the water, I, Toby, would enjoy tasting that good looking brew in your tubbie!!! Tee hee hee hee ….. Toby, on behalf of Ina in Alaska, Ginger, Jeter, and Snooty Halle xoxo

  11. Your mommy is by far a better woman and doggy mommy than I, standing in poopy water with a puppy! Aagh!

    So glad you smell better … and got to experience the zoomies!

  12. Hi Mayzie
    You are right, the best part of baths is the zoomies after. You look like you are having a marvelous time running with Ranger.
    We agree your furs are more beautiful now.
    Love Ruby & Penny
    Pees – you mommy must love you very much to sit in that poopy water.

  13. I didn’t realize baths could also cause the fear issue. I know our Miss M didn’t like them, but now she’s used to them; we take her to Petsmart because she loves the attention and being petted, though still has crazy after bath zoomies.

  14. Mayzie, you were very braves in the face of all that horror!!! And you werked so hard to smell lovely for everyone. Some folks just don’t know a nice gesture or roll, when the smell AHEM see one!!

    Woofs and Kisses!
    The Fiesty Three

  15. oh dearest mayzie you were truly blessed wiff the chance many of ush only dweam about. real live horsepoo roll. **sigh** we only wish one day we are fortunate enuff to find some in our walks and be able to live that joy ash well. the torture that im sure will follow wiff the baff would be totally worff it

    pibble wiggles
    the pittie pack

  16. hello mayzie its dennis the vizsla dog hay yoo hav to forgiv them hyoomans ar not blessd with owr ekswizit sense of smel and cannot appreeshyayt the finer odors in life!!! ok bye

  17. Mayzie,

    You are one lucky girl. My Mom gives me baths almost once a week!! Maybe I need to try shakin a little more? Any tips would be greatly appreciated!

    wags, wiggles & slobbers

  18. Oh Mayzie! The HORROR! I hate a bath as much as anypup! I can’t imagine finding such a wonderous and stupendous olfactory delight and then having it washed away, just like that! Your mom and dad are beyond cruel. I was shivering right along with you.


    Note from Bunny’s mom: Our dogs put on that same shaking and shivering routine when we give them a bath, but we have it on good authority that no emotional damage is ever done! It’s even better when you have an eighty pound greyhound who “melts” in the warm water of the shower head. They get relaxed and go boneless!

  19. Tank

    The pictures of you in the tub made me a bit woozy… I had to go lie down:(

    My assistant, however, finds this all very amusing… she thinks you are one very funny dog!!

  20. Oh Mayzie, very well done! Horse poop is the best – especially when it is nice and fresh.
    Across our field there are riding stables and we know the pure joy of finding such delights.
    We cannot understand why humans do not appreciate this lovely aroma – don’t they know it makes you the top dog!
    We are sorry you had to have a bath – remember ‘to roll is canine, in poop is devine’!
    Martha and Bailey xxx

  21. ps we prescribe lots of lovely treats for the treatment of trauma following baths!

  22. Mayzie you are so brave! Those baths are horrible! But we do know that mom’s like to give them and we like to make the moms happy. You were so good to put up with it! It is too bad you didn’t get to keep the wonderful smell on you! And tell your mom that the water didn’t look to bad to us – we know doggies love to roll and get dirty – even ones who get baths all the time (you know, the crazy ones who like it) can be that dirty!

    Oh, and we are featuring you tomorrow in our Friends on Friday post!! So if a bunch more kitties come by, you will know why!

  23. Oh crap, Mayzie – this was a great story until you got to the B.A.T.H. part. We hate baths too. Luckily we only get them when we go to the groomer. Our bath water would probably be that dirty too. But the zoomies are great, aren’t they? And now you are even more beautiful than ever.

    Woos – Phantom, Thunder, and Ciara

  24. So, did woo find anything good today?


  25. BTW, that was me!

    Not my mom!

  26. daisydog

    Wow I never have had the opportunity to smell eau de horsepoop! Lucky you!!!

  27. Kendra, Daisy and Bella

    We’ve never rolled in horsepoop. Looks like soooo much fun. Too bad about the B-A-T-H; but, water always makes us wild, too. We race around and tackle each other. We think it’s funny your Mom had to have a bath AND a shower, too.

    XXXOOO Daisy, Kendra & Bella

  28. Hi, Mayzie!
    I am happy to know the bath experience was not too bad for you!
    Sure it was pawesome to roll on that big pile of horsy poop!
    The other day I saw one of those piles and it really smelled good but my mean mom did not let me go very close to it! Hmmm….
    Kisses and hugs

  29. Maureen

    Wow Mayzie. I’ll bet your mom and dad are ever so proud of how brave you were in the b-a-t-h!! I hope you got extra tasty noms after!!

  30. oh, miss mayzie, i knew you and i were just destined for each other for a reason!! i could only dream of a lovely lady who enjoyed a good poop roll as much as i do, and lookie here! now, isn’t funny that i did the same thingie as you on tuesday? well, i don’t have any horsies around, so i rolled in kitty poop, but it was still just as glorious. let me tell you, my mama and daddy weren’t happy either. i don’t get it. they loaded me up in the shower and scrubbed all of the wonderful smell right down the drain. total sadness. someday maybe i can come out to collie-rado, and we can have a day of funsies and poop rolling!
    the booker man

  31. Mayzie, I think this is one of my favoritest posts ever! And the pictures really helped tell the story. I know the water usually turns that same color when my doggies get a bath (and I’m usually in the tub with them because that is the only way to keep them in the tub!) But at least I don’t know what they’ve been rolling in – that would make it much harder. πŸ™‚ I am so glad that all your brindle furs did not wash down the drain!

  32. Mayzie,

    I don’t understand it either. My two-leggers never appreciate my secret stash of perfume. I usually go for a nice good roll before my papa comes home for a business trip – trying to smell beautiful for him – but mom immediately scoffs and into the tub I go. I used to shake and tremble too (being a fearful.. ahem.. cautious doggy too) but now mom says I’m the BEST bath taker ever. I bet you won’t be as nervous next time. If you can trick your two-leggers into letting you have a good roll again! BOL! I too love the zoomies afterward and the special bath time treats. Did you get post-bath noms?

    Love your gorgeous brindle hairs!


  33. Hehe! When my human bean had a dog named Maggie, Maggie loved to roll in delicious stuff like that. πŸ™‚

  34. Hee! Hee! I know all about post-bath zoomies!!! πŸ˜€ Mayzie, you’re lucky you don’t live with me coz my humans like to give me a bath EVERY WEEK!! I thought you did very well in your first bath – and I think your humans are very good to take things slowly with you.

    By the way, I thought you might enjoy this post of mine from a couple of weeks ago (this was before we met!) when I had a very similar adventure to yours – except that my human thought I stank so much (well, ok, there is a lot more of me than there is of you) that she couldn’t face taking me home in the car – so I had to have the humiliation of a PUBLIC BATH!!! 😯 And then another bath again when I got home! Ugh!
    Anyway, here is the post: http://bighoneydog.com/poofume/

    Honey the Great Dane

  35. We are so TOTALLY WITH YOU!!! We have done numerous posts on this subject over the past year or so! Mama Dott is the Queen of Perfumes and had tried Mud Hen Melody, Essence of Cowpie, Eu de Horse Apple, Perfume de dead Bird, Mouse, & cat, etc.

    Our last Eeewwe De Toilet post was about Auntie Sadie who did the most wonderous DIVE into thoroughly rained in and mushy Cowpie left by one of those cows that come over the hill to the back pasture fence. It was AWESOME! She was COVERED in drippy muddy green perfume! You are right… It did NOT make Grammy happy AT ALL!!!

    People just don’t APPRECIATE the finer things of life… (Picture 7 dogs shaking their heads sadly…)

  36. Hello Miss Mayzie! Oh, we bet you smeled DIVINE! Humans really don’t seem to understand this at ALL do they – sigh….! 😦

    Um, we know that you are spoken for by Booker and Mack and we’re not trying to tread on any paws here, but we just wanted to say that these pictures of you in the bath – with your glorious white stocking! – really made us want to say ‘oooh la la Miss Mayzie!’ We’ve always admired your single white stocking, but it really stood out in these snaps!

    Hey, you have a wise and wonderful brother! He is SO right – post-bath zoomies are simply terrific!!

    Before we sign out for this comment we want to say that we think you are terribly brave to face that bath. Miss Mayzie – you continue to delight and astound us! πŸ™‚

    Admiring schnauzer snuggles – JD and Max.

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