Ripley’s Retort

Yarrrrrrr! Tis I! The Dread Pirate Ripley Cat…and I be commandeering this boat…er…blog to address some most scandalous and scurrilous accusations that have been cast my way by one scurvy dog who goes by the name of Ranger.

I be puttin’ forth me own version of the story ye have already heard. Listen well or risk the plank!

Ya see, not so many years ago, me sister – the lovely Miss Abby – and meself were in full command of this ship. And oh! Twas a beautiful thing. Nothin’ but smooth seas and clear skies.

And then one day – out of the clear blue and with no warnin’ – me ma and pa brings aboard this cheeky young chap. Now he seems right friendly and goes on about how eager he is to join me ranks. I confess – I was taken in my his pretty words and thought to give him a chance.

But before ye know it, I find him holdin’ private conference with me pa, lookin’ in my direction, givin’ me a wink.

And twasn’t long before it came to me. He was talkin’ mutiny and tryin’ to usurp me rightful place as cap’n of this ship!

Well – I am sure that ye can sympathize with my most unsavory predicament. The lad had won me pa’s favor and what was I to do? And so I sought to set him straight. I confess that I used some rather salty language and perhaps stooped to depths beneath me – but can ye blame me now? As they say – desperate times call fer desperate measures indeed!

Me ma and pa held many a conference with meself, tryin’ to convince me that they would not allow the lad to step into me role as cap’n. And over the years, I had to accept that they were tellin’ me the truth – at least the truth as they see it. And so, to appease them (they do own the boat, ya know), I have made the most gallant efforts to be peaceable and amiable, at least while they’re lookin’. But it has not been easy and I can assure ye…I’m keepin’ me eye on the lad – just in case.

Now this new lass, Mayzie, does seem like a darlin’- albeit somewhat too forthright. But I have been fooled once and ye know what they say about fools! So I be keepin’ me eye on her as well – lest she also be plannin’ some dastardly plot behind me back.

Oh! And that book that the lad so alarmed ye with…?

Why, don’t ye be worryin’ yer furry li’l heads about it. Ye see, not meanin’ to brag, but I be a Pirate Cat of some learnin’. And what the snoop lad found me to be readin’ is nothin’ but an historical tome of some significance to Pirate Cats such as myself, written by the great Pirate Cat H. Stanley Redgrove who roamed the Seven Seas from 1712-1743. So ye see, me darlins, twas only an endeavor of intellectual curiosity that I be readin’ that book. Not that I be wantin’ to take over the world. What a delicious preposterous thought!

And so, me friends, I be layin’ before ye the case of the Dread Pirate Ripley Cat versus the Young Mutinous Upstart, Ranger the Dog. I shall now take me leave and let ye be me judge and jury.

Yo ho!



Filed under The Kittehs

13 responses to “Ripley’s Retort

  1. Frankie Furter

    Hey Cap’n Ripley, It’s Me Cap’n Frankie here. I have a boat too. And even one of those Plankie thingys. I show it to my dad when he doesn’t take me to the places I want to go ashore.
    I really like your post today. You get an A+.

  2. Mango

    Not easy having invaders aboard your ship. Try to make peace and enjoy the little buggers.


  3. Listen pirate cat (alien), if you don’t like others invading your space, then I suggest you fire up your pirate ship (space ship) and high tail it out of here!


  4. Dear Ripley…please can I speak to Mayzie!…Thanks!

    Hey there Mayziegal!

    Listen buddygal, watch that fort! Kitties have a really endearing habit (at least to the peeps) of controlling (or attempting to control) things in the household. I encourage you to be on full alert!

  5. Shady

    Can’t we all just get along? I am an only dog now, for the first time in 8 years. If I had another dog or cat here I would make nice no matter what…the lonlies stink. Call a truce, agree to disagree, thats my vote! The only thing the humans find cuter than each pet indvidually is all of them snuggling, smoching and whoopping it up for the flashy beast now and then.

  6. Oh, kitties… Don’t know what to tell you. No kitties would ever brave our home (and momma says she’s allergic to them too). We dogs rule!!

    Snorts –
    Brutus the Frenchie
    pee ess – if mom could ever figure out Google reader, we’d be by more often. Can’t figure out how to follow the non-blogger bloggies!!

  7. Ripley,
    Madi here: Stand your ground you were the first twinkling star in your ma and pa’s eyes long before Ranger and Mayzie…they will not forget you. I have found the new kids on the block are cute and adorable but the will make mistakes along the way causing them to fall out of favor with ma and pa…whereas you sweet feline friend are a trusted and true member of the family.
    FYI: I don’t know what came over me this visit with my sis …I did not hiss once. Mom said she thought the sis was on her best behavior…I said I was still coming down off my huge b-day week so nothing bothered me. Or maybe now that I’m 8 I’m finally secure in my standing here at the house.
    Happy Sunday afternoon,

  8. dear dread pirate ripley cat,
    the fact that you’re a cat already makes me question you… but then you add “dread pirate” to your name?? i’m stickin’ by my pals mayzie and ranger!!!
    the booker man

  9. Hmm… I must admit I am a bit suspicious about your true plans. The kitties in my house have all taken over and would probably enjoy extending their rule to the rest of the world too. Although perhaps if you team up with kissabull’s PTO (Pibbles Take Over) Society, you could soon rule the world together.

  10. Psssst! Ranger! I’ve got your back! Just bark the word and I’ll draw my cutlass and fight with you! I think this post has the stink of dead fish all over it and I’m not hoodwinked for even a second!


  11. Please just reread Max Dog’s khomment –

    It pretty much sums it up!

    Khyra & Khousin Merdie

  12. Something tells me you really are planning something!
    Hmmm… I need to think about it and then I will be back!
    Kisses and hugs

  13. Mayzie, it is quite nice to meet you and your brudder and this cat fellow. I am quite fond of your ears as someone took mine. How rude of them. Thank you for visiting our blog!

    Otis & the PeppySheppys.

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