Ranger’s Rants – Ripley Rebuttal

First, I want to thank you all for your kind words regarding my previous post. I am flattered that you would heap such praise upon a humble Rat Terrier such as myself. And so after much careful thought, I have decided to continue my, ahem, “rants” for the foreseeable future.

Second, I would like to apologize for getting this post up so late. My assistant mom had some excuse about running errands or some such nonsense. I assure you that she and I will be having a conversation about this.

Now, let us proceed.

I was most disturbed to see my darling little sister’s post on one of our resident felines, Ripley. Mayzie is a dear but distressingly gullible. Let me assure you that contrary to what she told you, Ripley is NOT “most adorable.”

No, in fact he is just the opposite. When I first moved in with my mother and father, I was just a teenager. All encounters I had with the feline species up to that point had been positive. So upon meeting Ripley, I assumed a most friendly stance and invited him to play. Imagine my surprise when my sincere offer of friendship was greeted with a string of words that are simply unfit for the eyes of the gentle readers here. The memory of which sends a shudder down my spine to this day.

After ruminating on it, I came to the conclusion that I must have somehow offended him and tried everything I could to make up for my obviously grievous error. However, Ripley was not keen on my advances and it seemed that everything I did only angered him more. I am not exaggerating when I say that it has taken years for us to reach an uneasy truce.

He has just whispered that "one day soon ye shall sleep in Davy Jones' locker." I am looking about to see if anyone else heard it.

The most distressing bit is that I seem to be the only one who can see this. My parents coo and fawn over him and laugh off my concerns with, “Oh, that’s just Ripley.” Friends and family are charmed by what they see as his “eccentric” pirate personality due to antics such as the one below, whereupon he insists to everyone that he is at the helm of a ship and yells out incoherent orders to “swab the deck.”

But, dear readers, I can assure you that it is not eccentricity. The cat is bat crap crazy certifiably insane.

And here…HERE is the evidence. One day not too long ago, I stumbled upon this scene…

Later, when he was asleep, I sneaked into his chambers. Imagine my horror when I discovered what he was reading!

Dear readers, I regret that this post has taken such a dark and disturbing turn. But I felt it my duty to set the record straight and warn others that Ripley may set his diabolical plot to take over the world into motion at any time. I shall certainly update you immediately if I learn anything more.

Until then, I wish you good night and good biscuits.


Filed under Ranger's Rants

13 responses to “Ranger’s Rants – Ripley Rebuttal

  1. Ranger,

    This cat must be stopped! I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep now! The horrors of what could happen are almost too much for me to bear!

    I do have to add, I always enjoy reading the post of a well-educated hound like yourself!


  2. Oh Ripley, I have been saying for years that cats are really aliens in disguise! Why that one picture of the cat (alien) in the box is really it’s spaceship. Keep your eyes on him, and your entire family for that matter.

    Ms. Stella

  3. Frankie Furter

    Oh my yes, this is a most distressing development. It requires your constant monitoring. I belive cats are quite dangerous.

  4. Thanks for the heads up. You can never trust cats who can read…

  5. Shady

    Good thing my Mom is allergic to cats! None shall darken our doorway, ever. Watch your back, Ranger…you may have made him mad.

  6. twinkietinydog

    Uh-oh, I sense a cat-astrophe in our near future. Take that book away. BTW your kat is nearsighted.

  7. Our Bubbas are pretty great – but lately mom has been bringing home some homeless kitties. And we like to welcome them and make sure they know they are loved here until they find their own forever home – but so far we haven’t exactly been buddy buddy. It’s too bad bc kitty tails sure are fun – we pups try to see who can get it first!

    ~Abbi and Pebbles … and a few others hanging out

  8. Oh my, I realize this is serious but I can’t help but to laugh….anyway, you must get this crazy pirate kitty under control!

    Good Luck,

  9. OMD! Ranger!
    You gave us proof that Ripley is planning something!
    Keep an eye on him, ok?
    Take care
    Kisses and hugs

  10. Ranger you are hilarious!!! After we finished reading your post and I stopped with the tears of happiness…. I said mom you do know that Ranger is talking about my kin right? She said yes but he is doing it with such flare Ha Ha Ha I say.
    Ranger I must share my insight on your situation. Ripley was there first….therefore he is king of the house and knows it. You might just have to sleep with one eye open and always be on your best behavior so as not to get on his bad side. Madi and Mom

  11. Ranger that is some scary stuff…are you suuurrrreeeee that Ripley is up to no good???


  12. OH!

    Insane Khrakhker Khat!

    Khyra & Khousin Merdie

  13. I feel bad about saying this, but I think the cats deserve a day at the keyboard. I’m quite interested in their take on what you and Mayzie have to say!

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